The Last 11 Things Any Man Would Ever Say:

I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.

While I'm up, can I get you a beer?

I think hairy butts are really sexy.

Her tits are just too big.

Sometimes I just want to be held.

That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.

Sure I'd love to wear a condom!

We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go

shopping and I can hold your purse.

Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.

I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions

No, I don't mind watching Thelma and Louise again.



The Perfect Day According to ... HIM

10:00am Wake up
10:02am Oral sex
10:15am Big breakfast
11:30am Drive up the coast in Ferrari with gorgeous blonde with big jugs
2:15pm Enormous lunch
3:00pm Oral sex
3:15pm Play sports with the guys
4:00pm Drink beer with guys
6:00pm Meet Claudia Schiffer
6:10pm Oral sex
6:25pm Huge dinner, more beer
11:00pm Full on, get down, gorilla sex





The Last 11 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say:

Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.

Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.

I think hairy butts are really sexy.

Hey, get a whiff of that one.

Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.

This diamond is way too big!

I don't mind throwing all these useless shoes out.

I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.

Wow, it really is 14 inches!

Does this make my butt look too small?

I'm wrong, you must be right again.


The Perfect Day According to ... HER

8:45am Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00am 5 pounds lighter on the scale
9:30am Light breakfast
11:00am Sunbathe
12:00pm Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:30pm Shopping
2:30pm Run into boyfriends ex, notice she's gained 30 pounds
3:00pm Facial massage and nap
7:30pm Candle light dinner for two and dancing
10:00pm Make love
11:00pm Pillow talk in his big strong arms




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HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked, with beer....